I'm not doing to good..

School just started. I am swamped, exhausted, sad. =(
Going back to school after a long summer on hiatus, I would think people would miss me.. but it seems like nobody even remembers who I am. I feel invisible. I don't even remember who I was three months ago. I go to school all day pulling the small talk, and just trying to get by. When I finally am home I come home to a house of people running around and yelling at each other. It's not fun. Not fun at all. And I am too exhausted to yell back or really do much of anything.

Swing Life Away

I heard this song and I LOVE it. It really speaks to me (hahahaha!). Swing Life Away- Rise Against. I will post the lyrics here and highlight the ones I like because I am a nerd like that.

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move
The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand....until you hold my hand

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand
Swing life away [x4]

Ugh, I just love this song. Everyone has that one song that perfectly describes their life.. this is mine. <3



RISE AGAINST FTW!!

Asian Crunch?

I am kind of crazy... I enjoy shopping for produce. I have to admit, the sight of fresh fruits and vegetables makes me happy. Usually I get my usual strawberries, grapes, and bananas. Sometimes if I'm ambitious I'll pick up a few bell peppers and maybe a package of caesar salad for Dole. 

Recently while getting a salad kit, I noticed a whole new kind. It's called Oriental Asian Crunch. I decided to get it because it looked interesting and wasn't too expensive. 

What it is is crunchy lettuce, thinly sliced with some of those crunchy brown noodle things, sliced almonds, and dried mandarin oranges (which I refuse to try). Oh, and there's about three snow peas in there too. The dressing is labeled as 'Dole's Own Sesame Ginger Dressing'. I'm not a big fan of salad dressing or condiments, so I only used about half the package when I made it.

I have to say, when you put it all together, it is really good. Restaurant quality, even. So go get your Asian Crunch! Haha, when I tell people I had Asian crunch for lunch, their reactions are priceless. 

School, School, School

I am totally having mixed feelings about starting school again. I am sort of excited, because I am switching schools and it will be interesting to be someplace different. And then, I'm afraid of getting lost. I am happy to see all of my old friends who I was just not able to keep in touch with over summer. I am nervous that they have changed (a lot) and don't want to hang out with me anymore. I am excited to meet new people, but then, I have no way of knowing what they'll think of me. I like buying new school supplies, for some reason, but do I really want to use my sparkly new pencils and awesome erasable pens to write a paper? Aye, aye, aye! Help me!! 

I'm Afraid to Sleep

Okay, this might sound ridiculous, but I am afraid to sleep because I don't want to miss anything. And when I finally bring myself to lay down and close my eyes, my fears, worries, guilts, and bad memories sudden overwhelm me and I can't sleep. So here I am, at 12:50 AM creating a vlog and listening to Pandora's JCP Teen Pop Radio. This is my life. Actually I am going to switch to another station now.

I have created a new station. My favorite song came up right away, that's promising.

Another thing that hits me when I lay down to sleep, is that another day has past, I am another day older, and I have wasted another part of my life procrastinating. Seriously, you all have probably seen those talented kids on the Oprah show. I see them and *sigh*. I wish I could be talented like that. I am so insignificant. I have no real hobbies at the moment. Just time fillers.

I turned 14 on August 14th. I have decided that I will make something of my life. No more hiding. I am going to be on the computer less, outdoors, more, and get closer to the man who created me.. God. I am going to take advantage of this perfectly good life I am blessed with. I don't how yet, but I am sure that I will figure that out along the way. If anything, I will have fun with whatever it is I am trying to achieve. And if I don't achieve that's alright too, as long as I am happy. I haven't truly been happy lately. But I want to be.

School starts on August 25th. I am worried about that too. Well, I was worried. I am not all that concerned about it as much right now as I was say, last week. I realized that whatever happens, happens. I am going to have fun with that too.

I don't know what I am saying.

This is my first blog post. It's kind of all over the place. I am like my post. You should have seen me at Target yesterday, I was a hot mess. I started crying in the check out line. I just am not happy anymore. I don't know why. It's as people say, I am "going through the motions" but not really living. I miss living. I need a hug. I can't really open up. Because when I try to, people feel bad for me, and I hate that. I hate it so much.

I have been struggling all summer trying to find my personality again. I don't know where it went. All I do all day is watch movies and small talk with people on facebook. Sometimes I go shopping and buy stuff I don't need.

But I have a plan. This year I will try as many new things as possible. I will find what I do and don't like. I will live, experience, taste, love, and laugh. Even if it kills me.

God Bless
XO Ellis